Watching the impeachment hearings today was like watching an extended Depends/ Viagra/ Reverse Mortgage commercial.
These people are old.
The hearings were brought to you by Milk of Magnesia.
I thought I should buy gold for my future.
Steny Hoyer spent most of his time complaining about the seditious act against his prostate.
Most of these people were so old that when the Big Bang happened, they were like, "Hey -- keep it down over there."
It helps that I can joke because I have a brilliant kid who is studying comedic arts and we exchanged texts today, some of which I stole like Amy Schumer taking used cigarette butts out of an ashtray.
I joke because of the two biggest impediments to my re-employment is my age; the other being I've been at too many newspaper properties.
Apparently, I'm too old to be a decent job candidate but too young to serve in the U.S. Congress. I mean for God's sake, Mitch McConnell makes money from selling his mugshot to online obituary companies.
I must joke because in the words of Abraham Lincoln -- whose Capitol building was never breached during a Civil War -- "I laugh because I must not cry. That is all. That is all."
Peace and laughter unto all of you my brothers and sisters.