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Monday, November 30, 2020

It's all so exhausting.

Working, 10-, 12-, 14-hour days as a journalist was similarly so. But at least I accomplished something in my time. I felt fulfilled, accomplished.

But the lack of knowing what's next is stressful and tiring to a degree from which it's hard to recover.

I was unaware of this effect until one of my newspapers took a year-long dive into the effects of poverty on our area. One of the major issues was health and it was then I learned about the stress of the disenfranchised and how that affects blood pressure, heart issues and depression among a myriad of issues. And none of that included a lack of access to decent health care.

As I transition from one home to another, I can sleep 12 hours and remain so exhausted that sometimes the idea of taking another step is too much. Cook? Screw that. Take care of myself? Maybe later. Exercise? Yeah, when I can.

I know those who have don't understand the lives who don't have. Read "A Framework of Understanding Poverty" by Ruby Payne. She writes about how a different mindset comes on under the stress of difficulty. It can alter rationality and logic and reality.

I read it 20 years ago and now I've come to live it.

So tired.

I think it was the German philosopher Lilly von Schtupp who once said, "Let's face it -- I'm fwickin' exhausted."

Peace and rest unto you my brothers and sisters.


  1. Darkest before the Dawn? None of us really know what will happen tomorrow. We just sometimes assume the best will happen. Sometimes it does. Just nose down and plow ahead is all we can really do.

    Imagine your current situation with a dependent family at home. That happened to me with a wife and two small children. Lost it all! Home to bank. No credit card. $250K in debt to SBA. Ugh! Nose down and plowed ahead.

    Two years later celebrated being broke again. Ten years later financially on top again. More importantly had a wonderful family through it all. Lot's of laughs and love.

    You are very fortunate to have a wonderful family. I suspect you will end up in a wonderful situation again, but unpredictable.

    Keep the faith. No Peace and rest. Plow ahead. Find someone or something to help with your myriad talents.

  2. Yo ‘Dad’,

    I never knew my dad. I looked him up, very late in life. Should have left the stone unturned. That said, he was not around to explain the “great transition” everyone endures, i.e., the distant whooshing noise in the background of your life, low at first in the mid-30s, gaining in volume until it culminates at 40 with an abrupt bang. That is the door to your youth slamming shut.

    I quit the white-collar gig in my mid-30s, then starved for 10 years ostensibly making a living as a writer. As I re-entered the workforce, the only open door was in retail, so I spent 20 years doing that, resigned to make the best of the cards I had dealt myself. The lemon aid was that I learned the life lesson in time to warn my grandsons.

    My friend never made such a mistake. For over 30 years, he gave his best for his employer and his people, with his hard-honed and extraordinary talents.

    You read two columns on a page in a history book about a multi-year rebuilding of a collapsed economy and do not even begin to grasp an ordinary man’s daily and excruciating doubt and torment of trying to find purchase on the flotsam of a world gone mad. Amazon is incinerating brick and mortar as human interaction goes virtual. Machines romp where no man thought to tread. It is the end of the world as we old guys knew it.

    Nose down and plow forward. I worry about my friend. I simply cannot wait for him to find work.

    Empathy, “dad”. Empathy.

    1. How many times and how frequently has this happened since about 1700? Generation after generation? I have observed this several times just in my 80 years in this incarnation and we are seeing it one more time. Things are accelerating for sure. And, Rich is correct, the USA government is not solving this problem even though it is solvable. Here is one way I have observed someone wiser than me has suggested: See what you think and how could the USA government be persuaded to do something like this. I voted for Yang in the Dem primary as did quite a few others.

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