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Thursday, July 30, 2020

I have an interview with another newspaper next week, the second in about 10 days.
 
I feel like the pretty girl at the high school dance.

(Note: I am not pretty. I am not a girl. And as the philosopher Phil Collins wrote in his seminal essay, "I can't dance.")

I don't like to mention the newspapers I'm interviewing with because I think that's a private transaction. But both are good products with local ownership.

I've tried to remind myself as I have searched for jobs lo these three months that I'm doing so in a damaged industry, during a pandemic and in the worst economy in the last 80 years.

That does not always placate my subconscious, where rationalizations are not allowed.

Last night I had a dream that I had been placed in charge of a series of small farms. Immediately animals began to die. Then I came down with COVID-19. And early onset dementia. I could not figure out how to turn on the TV. I had no idea how to answer the door even through it was my mom knocking.

It became clear to everyone involved I didn't know what I was doing. That I had an intellectual deficit. That if allowed, there would be more deaths of innocent animals and no crops for years. Yet no one fired me and I didn't quit and this seemed to continue for hours. And hours. I finally forced myself to wake up when there was no end in sight.

I've read enough dream interpretation books to know this comes from feelings of poor self-worth and loss of control. The deaths of animals is about loss period.

Yet when I woke up, my 54-year-old fat self, I was talking with a second newspaper in the worst economy of my life.

OK. Somehow, I'll be fine.

Just don't leave me charge of critters. Because they all gonna die.

Peace and life unto you my brothers and sisters.

2 comments:

  1. Oh man. I am retired from a successful fulfilling 40+ yr career as an RN. Yet EVERY time I applied for a new job I had the same dream: wandering the campus of my alma mater trying to clear up the missing one or two credits needed to have earned the BSN (which of course doesn't affect my licensure...) after the first four times it was predictable and amusing....best of luck to you

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  2. I worked as a newspaper reporter in the early 1980's until I woke up to the realization I couldn't live on $10,500 a year, couldn't tolerate newsroom smokers, couldn't physically stand working twelve hour days, couldn't live with my parents forever, couldn't drive a 1966 Oldsmobile much longer, and so on. I quit and returned to school for A/V training...bad idea as A/V jobs were scarce and tended toward hotel work and low wages. I tried to change careers and was told I didn't know how to do anything...disheartening news that tossed me into underemployment for over two years, just to bring in a paltry income. Finally I landed at a public library in a role that migrated from A/V and Advisory to IT, all told 34-years...saved my sanity. Expect to be surprised where you land. All your shadowing readers, like angels, will rejoice in your success, whatever it is.

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