I've not accomplished anything near what I wanted to accomplish with this blog.
I wanted to delve into the issue of the brittle economy, the different forms of homelessness, the confusing nature of the support system. I intended to interview experts, local caregivers, the homeless themselves.
Truth is, I remain overwhelmed, shocked and depressed about what's happened in the last three weeks.
Like Lili von Schtupp, "Let's face it. I'm tired."
I'm also getting used to the new rhythms of the day. I was only recently getting used to that at the newspaper. Before I arrived last June, the managing editor, the city editor and the digital editor left for various reasons. That left the executive editor, glorious title and all, to fill those roles and I started to get that rhythm down by turn of the year. With the pandemic, another new rhythm.
Then I had the challenges of getting a new rhythm at Motel 6 and now at the cottage.
No whining -- just the truth.
Because it occurred to me driving into town today I had not been fully truthful. One classic deceit is not telling the full truth with all context. Aquinas wrote the truth informs and falsehood deforms.
Thus you are informed.
Love you all.
Many of us are able to continue functioning under stress by in essence compartmentalizing our emotional responses and filing it under "later"....so we are in fact overwhelmed, shocked, fatigued, etc, but simultaneously present as cogent and effective. Until we hit a wall. Sounds like you hit the wall. I don't see it as you having been purposely dishonest. I see it as your coping mechanisms finally running out of steam. Permission granted to Do Nothing for a few days except sit with and process emotions. And id that's what you choose to write about, or if you choose no writing here for a time, THAT'S OK.
ReplyDeleteIt's all a matter of perspective. I've gone from higher highs to lower lows -- a trip so far Inc. even did a story on it. People in our economic society seem to get their self worth from where they are going. What the decades have taught me is a better life comes from valuing yourself for who you are. Do people trust you? Are you a good parent? Spouse? Co-worker? Are you honest? These are anchors from which economic storms are weathered.
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