Neither man nor beast is she but massive U-Haul truck in which I'll travel 1,400 miles.

I'll call her Mobinante, a portmanteau of the other worldly whale Moby Dick and Rocinante, the steed of Don Quixote. She is both my nemesis and my vehicle.

And she is big. Mobinante goes 34 feet long with a 26 foot box to fit all my useless stuff. She is 12-feet high.

Consider my current vehicle is a Subaru the same size as a 50-cent piece. Imagine me, at my size, trying to fit into that.

Plus she shakes.

Think about being behind me while I twerk. That's the mind picture of the week. I'm sorry about the induced gagging.

But I'm in Madison, about halfway on the trip to get my stuff and I'm happy with my progress, despite being a big baby about it. I'm think about the trip in pieces because otherwise I'd spit up often. Half a trip to Madison. The remainder to Bloomington, Indiana. Some professionals packing the truck on Saturday morning. The afternoon to wander the wonders of the home to Indiana University and a chance to see old friends. Maybe some of best pot roast in the history of the world at Michael's Uptown Cafe. A couple nights at the cheap motel where I befriended the owner and his family. When I gave a $20 weekly tip to the owner's uncle, who oversaw the cleanliness of my room, he tilted his head to his right side and said, each time, "God bless you, sir."

Sunday I will sip with my Bloomington beer-drinking buddies, the most brilliant group of beer drinkers I've ever known.

On Monday, I return half way to Madison and Tuesday, I make it home where a huge group of friends will meet me to unload my belongings.

There's the old Hindu saying that the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

That becomes the mantra of this trip.

A trip not nearly so iconic as "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. Perhaps I need more dexedrine.

Peace and bite-size pieces unto all of you my brothers and sisters.